ASSERTIVENESS AND SELF CONFIDENCE

ASSERTIVENESS AND SELF CONFIDENCE

Assertiveness simply refers to your ability to speak out your mind in almost all circumstances without fear of being intimidated, suppressed or silenced. For some people, assertiveness is natural (not-trained) to their personality especially the dominant people. However, it is not a natural behaviour for most people. For most people, their desire to be assertive means at least one of the following to them

§ 'How can I become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people?'

§ 'How can I stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)?'

§ 'How can I exert a little more control in situations that are important to me?'

To effectively confront being bullied by highly dominant and assertive people, you may need to consider understanding their motivations and personality. Most people tend to be passive by nature, an opportunity that dominant people take to rub off their ego and downplay their confidence at any level.

Disclaimer: Dominance is not synonymous to leadership. A quick review of their differences is highlighted below

DOMINANCE	LEADERSHIP
§ Usually involves deploying people to achieve a goal without their approval	§ Is inclusive. It seeks the opinion of team members, synergises it and uses that to drive them to achieve a common goal.
§ Dominant people are usually Bullies who have a concealed, deep-seated insecurity problem	§ Leaders are secure people. They are socially aware of their strengths and weaknesses.
§ Dominant people are concerned with satisfying ego and selfish drives to get what they want, or have their way.	§ Leaders are concerned with shared responsibilities and glory for a good job
§ Usually, dominant people have no facts or evidence to justify their assertions. They are not organised	§ Leaders are better organized, equipped with facts and figures to justify their assertions

Assertiveness and self-confidence methods and techniques

• Be Factual: Ensure you know all the facts in advance - do some research, and have it on hand ready to produce (and give out copies if necessary). Bullies usually fail to prepare their facts; they dominate through bluster, force and reputation. If you know and can produce facts to support or defend your position it is unlikely that the aggressor will have anything prepared in response.
• Prepare Responses: Role-play in your mind what other peoples behaviour might turn out to be. Prepare your responses according to the different scenarios that you think could unfold. Generate support from other people to defend you. The more prepared you are anticipating the behaviour, the more confident and assertive you will be.
• Questioning: You may have to prepare to prepare questions regarding other peoples argument. Dominant people are easily flawed by sincere questions that reveal facts, evidence and figures because they are never prepared for it. If the question is evaded, you may want to emphasize or re-phrase it to hit your point. Some of the questions you may need to ask include

What evidence can you advance towards this claim?

How did you arrive at that figure/conclusion?

Other questions of ‘when, what, where’ (5Ws) can bring out the facts that you have prepared already and improve your assertiveness in such circumstance.

• Practice Self Talk: Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression especially when people tend to talk you down. It takes a substantial self motivation to defeat abrasive tendencies and aggressions from people. A good strategy is to equip yourself with inspiring quotes that can lift your feeling about yourself and your esteem, print and paste on the walls or in visible places that you consistently stare in the day, and say them to yourself.
• Increase you social awareness: The more you are aware of your personality, strengths, weaknesses, abilities and deliverables, the more you will be able to resist dominant people. The only tool that validates the assertiveness of dominant people is the poor self-awareness state of the passive people. Have faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if you let them.
• Feel sympathy for bullies - they actually need it.
• Read inspirational things that reinforce your faith in proper values and all the good things in your own natural style and self